I Am Unamused

My roommate is about to take me out to dinner tonight.  She insisted, in a really bossy way, that she HAD to because I watched her cats while she was away on business for three weeks.  

I tried to tell her no. I tried to postpone.  I tried to explain they are cats, not African water buffalo, so it wasn't really much of a challenge.

She failed to see my logic.  I should have shown her pictures of African water buffalo, maybe.

Anyway, prior to knowing she was picking today as THE night to take me out, I ate:

Joseph's "hot dog pita" - 104

2 slices of lightlife faux turkey - 50

1.5 oz roasted red peppper hummus - 76

Pickle slices - 5

Lettuce - 5
Crystal Light - 10

TOTAL: 250

I was feeling good, I was planning another 110 calories at dinner, and then, boom.  She decides we're going out for Indian food tonight.

Upon hearing that, I crammed six light English muffins in my face, complete with fake butter and Vegemite.  

Then I threw it all up, with some of the food from beforehand as well. 

Why?  I don't know.  Because I'm awesome, I suppose.  I imagine tonight I'll be puking up Indian food too.  And we all know how good that hot, spicy mess feels on the way back up. 

I just jumped outta that shower and I'm supposed to be ready to go in nine minutes.

Wish me luck.

*salutes*

Woo to the Hoo

I did okay today!  Fucking finally.

I didn't eat a thing until 6:30pm.  Then I had the following:

• Black beans - 90
• Black Bean Dip - 50
• Sticky Rice - 100
• Mini-bag of Fat Free Kettle Corn - 100
• Crystal Light - 20

TOTAL:  360 kcals

I can handle that.

As bad as it sounds to me, I think I should aim higher than that for calories in a day, though.  I'm so scared of having a binge (and purge) that I think I should be eating a little more.  A lot of fibrous, lean, healthy stuff though.  No smoothies. :)

Tomorrow, I'm going to the grocery store and I'm going to get some cooking done.  I have next to no food at my house and if I don't get something, I will end up eating an entire box of cereal or something shitty like that.  So I'll be incredibly domestic tomorrow.  Sweet. 

Stop. Buying. Me. Smoothies. Dammit.

One of my employees has a penchant for... Well, food. Mmmm, food.  Today she bought me a smoothie.  Which is the second time in three days she has done that.

I want to hit her.  I don't, for three reasons.  One, because I'm her boss and I think smacking your employees is frowned upon in certain circles - namely the circles that sign my paychecks.  Two, I really, really adore her.  And three, she is a heavily tattooed ex-heroin addict who could easily pummel my face into the ground even though I have about eight inches on her. 

(The employee is Zoe, btw.  She's in the post about horseshoe crabs.)

So, today I had a stupid amount of food.  Fuckitall.

• Soy Chai Smoothie - 530
• Zucchini Marinara  - 110
• Broccoli - 60
• Whole Grain Wheat Thins - 140
• Crystal Light - 10

TOTAL: 850 kcals

God damn everything.  God damn that smoothie thing. It was the difference between having 850 kcals today, and having only 320.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I got looked at funny while I sat around figuring out the calories in it.  It was a chore, let me tell you.  First of all, she got me a medium, and the store only posts the nutritional information for smalls.  And then, they post the info for using whole or skim milk - not soy.  So I took the difference in calories between whole and skim versions to figure out the quantity of milk in the drink.  Then I adjusted the caloire amounts based on the brand of soymilk they used, calculated that out for a medium drink by scaling up, and to top it off, I didn't drink the final 1.5 ounces of the drink (which, yes, I weighed on a food scale to see how much I was throwing away).  Anyway, it was 530 calories of delicious hell.

Oh, and I almost fainted at work.  Who the fuck almost faints on 850 calories?  Fuck fuck fuck, it's just pathetic.

Tomorrow I have work.  Worky worky work. Friday and Satruday I SHOULD have off, but Saturday might be a bust.  Friday, at least, I'm going to go shopping and cook myself a whole bunch of ED-friendly foodstuffs.

Oh, except my roommate wants to take me out to dinner.  GOD DAMMIT, I had forgotten about that for a minute.

Guppy Brain

Well, I said I had to be held accountable.  So here goes. :)

Today I ate:

• All-natural fruit leather thingy - 45 kcals
• Black beans - 90
• Bell peppers - 15
• Black bean dip - 50
• Sticky rice - 100
• Zucchini marinara frozen meal - 110
• 4 Crystal Light packets in water - 40 kcals

TOTAL: 440 kcals

Not bad. My guppy brain forgot there were calories in Crystal Light, so I drank that shit like it was being taken off the shelves tomorrow for good.  Whoops.  But, honestly, I think I'm okay with that.  It helps me avoid eating, it helps me feel like I've had something sweet, and it alone accounted for two liters of water in my body.  (They tell me drinking water is a good thing...)

I also walked on the beach for a while again, with Zoe and Sophia.  My feet still feel salty.  *wiggles toes*

I haven't told my roommate (Anne, I've known her for 17 years) anything that went on with he-who-shall-not-be-named, and I don't think I will.  Not because I don't trust her, not because I mind her knowing - I don't.  I've already talked Zoe's ear off about it.  

Just because I don't feel like talking about it again, and definitely not tonight.  It's been a not-horrifying day. I've only wanted to slice my fatty flesh off a few dozen times, I've only wanted to crash into telephone poles a handful of times.  But if I have to talk to anyone else about this, and answer questions... I won't sleep.  And I need my sleep.

Rocky Beaches and Horseshoe Crabs

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