To Binge or Not to Binge

Well, I "fasted" yesterday.

(I had a strange dream about tourists too, but I imagine that's beside the point.)

I had low-cal crap like Crystal Light and flavored water stuff.  But I also had a glass of unsweetened almond milk, and one of iced tea which was sweetened. That's why I put quotes around fasting. I know it's not really.  But I didn't eat any food, so, yeah. I skipped psyllium husks today too, but if I fast again today, I'll take 'em... 

I might also binge/purge massively today.  Part of me just thinks "Hey, why not?"

It's the first day in AGES I'm by myself for a significant chunk of the day - a solid 7 or 8 hours.  I haven't binged in quite some time.  (I've purged, but only small amounts of food...)

I KNOW I shouldn't.  I know it's terrible for me.  I know it's painful.  I know I won't be able to clear everything from my stomach, no matter how much I purge.  I know I'll end up bloated, with a wildly higher number on the scale tomorrow.  

I know. 

I know.

I know.

I just... I want to. 

I need to conquer the urge.  Because the desire to do it is stronger than the knowledge that I'll regret it tomorrow.